Wild animals – The tale of exploration!
A long time ago in a cupboard far far away, lived a magic Christmas hat, many years ago ‘Ham’ the Christmas fairy once spilled a years worth of wish dust just on the tip and ever since, the hat has power to bring fourth life! It is said that anything placed inside the magic Christmas hat and left over night will then rise, with a fresh new soul full excited vigor for life.
One hot summer evening a human, let’s call him David, accidentally knocked some PVC toy wild animals into the magic hat, which he had been keeping in he cupboard for ‘Ham’ the Christmas fairy while Ham was away on a summer fairy retreat, they were learning fairy group skills and management training with an in depth look at relational behavioral changes in object oriented strategic management. David hadn’t noticed he’d knocked the toys into the hat and he left them there while he went outside to play in the mud, he wasn’t a clever individual.
By 8pm the next day the wild animals were full of life, piss and vinegar and were rearing to explore the frightning new world they had found.
The animals explored the brave new world they found themselves in, it was full of strange sounds, colours and shapes. Every inch was exciting to them, every object a bizarre and wondrous marvel of interest.
The looked at a stranger papery thing with peculiar markings all over, no one knew what they meant!
The big cats climbed into a sweet smelling paper thing, there was all crunchy white things all over the floor that tasted very nice. Kittington the nondescript large cat licked it all up before anyone could try any!
Clive the Zebera tried talking to one of the locals but he wasn’t very friendly, he just kept asking if he had seen his ring and what taters were, Clive didn’t know what a ring was and he’d never heard of ‘taters’!
In time the animals all grew tired and they searched high and low for somewhere warm and cosy to sleep.
The animals debated how they would sleep, Elbert the elephant wanted to cuddle up together but Marks and Spencer, the lion knew Elbert had a wandering trunk when he was asleep and they would get tickled in the night, so Marks and Spencer decided they would all find separate sleeping bags or something similar to sleep in.
Everyone found something to sleep in apart from Kittington the nondescript large cat who couldn’t find anything snug to sleep in, so he went on a little adventure of his own to find something snug.
In time he found something that he thought might have a sleeping bag in.
He thought it felt like something he could sleep in, and sure enough once he had got it out of the packet he found he was able to slip right in and snuggle up, it was even slippery so he could wriggle about in his sleep and not get all tangled up!
When morning came Kittington the nondescript large cat found that he had been very wriggly in his sleep and he had become trapped in his sleeping bag, he had to get all the other wild animals to help him escape.
The animals helped Kittington out and then began searching the draw where they slept. After a time they came across a strange bag with some white powder in.
The animals didn’t know what to make of it, so Pony the bear, the bravest of all the animals opened it up and smelled it. (Don’t worry, it’s just talcum powder, but for the fictional purposed of this very deep allegory, it’s meant to be cocaine)
Pony began to feel very strange, very strange indeed! He thought he would like to smell more of this powder so he arranged it into easily sniffable lines.
When Pony had smelled all the powder he felt invincible, he thought he could do anything. He left the other wild animals and ran around the room for 5 hours, talking utter gibberish to himself about nothing at all, he sounded like an absolute idiot, but he thought he was being quite the deep thinker.
He found a funny thing that made noise, he jumped around on it and thought about singing a song about white lines!
He found a huge bright glowing thing, which has some very strange buttons attached to it via a wire.
He found that if he jumped up and down on the buttons, things came up on the screen, after a while of playing around he found pictures of people who looked like him!
He found a program that let him talk to other people just like him, he met a 47 year old who was very keen to come and meet Pony.
They talked long into the night, Pony learned a lot, but now his mood was changing, the white powder feeling was going, he just had to look at one more thing!
Pony felt a very funny but pleasant sensation while he tickled himself, he was then sleepy.
Pony inhaled some burning herbs then drank a whole bottle of tickle cough syrup and passed out.
In the morning Pony felt dreadful, the worst he’d ever felt in all his two days of existence. Also he had a strange feeling that he wasn’t alone, there was a warm fuzzy feeling pushing up against him. he tried to lift his head but something was pulling his neck down. He slowly built up strength and managed to look at what he was next to!
He had married Jezebel the Gazelle. He liked her long neck and head spears so that was nice. They lived happily ever after!