Wild Animals

Wild animals – The tale of exploration!

A long time ago in a cupboard far far away, lived a magic Christmas hat, many years ago ‘Ham’ the Christmas fairy once spilled a years worth of wish dust just on the tip and ever since, the hat has power to bring fourth life! It is said that anything placed inside the magic Christmas hat and left over night will then rise, with a fresh new soul full excited vigor for life.

One hot summer evening a human, let’s call him David, accidentally knocked some PVC toy wild animals into the magic hat, which he had been keeping in he cupboard for ‘Ham’ the Christmas fairy while Ham was away on a summer fairy retreat, they were learning fairy group skills and management training with an in depth look at relational behavioral changes in object oriented strategic management. David hadn’t noticed he’d knocked the toys into the hat and he left them there while he went outside to play in the mud, he wasn’t a clever individual.

Let there be life!

Let there be life!

By 8pm the next day the wild animals were full of life, piss and vinegar and were rearing to explore the frightning new world they had found.

The wild bunch.

The wild bunch.

The animals explored the brave new world they found themselves in, it was full of strange sounds, colours and shapes. Every inch was exciting to them, every object a bizarre and wondrous marvel of interest.

I hope no one dies!

I hope no one dies!

The looked at a stranger papery thing with peculiar markings all over, no one knew what they meant!

Get meow't of here!

Get meow’t of here!

The big cats climbed into a sweet smelling paper thing, there was all crunchy white things all over the floor that tasted very nice. Kittington the nondescript large cat licked it all up before anyone could try any!

Have you seen it? M'precious?

Have you seen it? M’precious?

Clive the Zebera tried talking to one of the locals but he wasn’t very friendly, he just kept asking if he had seen his ring and what taters were, Clive didn’t know what a ring was and he’d never heard of ‘taters’!

In time the animals all grew tired and they searched high and low for somewhere warm and cosy to sleep.

Shall we snuggle up for warmth?

Shall we snuggle up for warmth?

The animals debated how they would sleep, Elbert the elephant wanted to cuddle up together but Marks and Spencer, the lion knew Elbert had a wandering trunk when he was asleep and they would get tickled in the night, so Marks and Spencer decided they would all find separate sleeping bags or something similar to sleep in.

Cosy and warm

Cosy and warm

Everyone found something to sleep in apart from Kittington the nondescript large cat who couldn’t find anything snug to sleep in, so he went on a little adventure of his own to find something snug.

In time he found something that he thought might have a sleeping bag in.

Safe sleeping!

Safe sleeping!

He thought it felt like something he could sleep in, and sure enough once he had got it out of the packet he found he was able to slip right in and snuggle up, it was even slippery so he could wriggle about in his sleep and not get all tangled up!

Sweet dreams!

Sweet dreams!

When morning came Kittington the nondescript large cat found that he had been very wriggly in his sleep and he had become trapped in his sleeping bag, he had to get all the other wild animals to help him escape.

Help meow't

Help meow’t

The animals helped Kittington out and then began searching the draw where they slept. After a time they came across a strange bag with some white powder in.

What does it smell like?

What does it smell like?

The animals didn’t know what to make of it, so Pony the bear, the bravest of all the animals opened it up and smelled it. (Don’t worry, it’s just talcum powder, but for the fictional purposed of this very deep allegory, it’s meant to be cocaine)

Look I'm a polar bear!

Look I’m a polar bear!

Pony began to feel very strange, very strange indeed! He thought he would like to smell more of this powder so he arranged it into easily sniffable lines.

It must smell really nice!

It must smell really nice!

When Pony had smelled all the powder he felt invincible, he thought he could do anything. He left the other wild animals and ran around the room for 5 hours, talking utter gibberish to himself about nothing at all, he sounded like an absolute idiot, but he thought he was being quite the deep thinker.

He found a funny thing that made noise, he jumped around on it and thought about singing a song about white lines!

White Lines (Don't Don't Do It)

White Lines (Don’t Don’t Do It)

He found a huge bright glowing thing, which has some very strange buttons attached to it via a wire.

This connection speed is un-BEARable!

This connection speed is un-BEARable!

He found that if he jumped up and down on the buttons, things came up on the screen, after a while of playing around he found pictures of people who looked like him!

Stop fighting Mum and Dad!

Stop fighting Mum and Dad!

He found a program that let him talk to other people just like him, he met a 47 year old who was very keen to come and meet Pony.

Hello son!

Hello son!

They talked long into the night, Pony learned a lot, but now his mood was changing, the white powder feeling was going, he just had to look at one more thing!

The BEAR necessity!

The BEAR necessity!

Pony felt a very funny but pleasant sensation while he tickled himself, he was then sleepy.

I'll be like a bear with a sore head in the morning!

I’ll be like a bear with a sore head in the morning!

Pony inhaled some burning herbs then drank a whole bottle of tickle cough syrup and passed out.

In the morning Pony felt dreadful, the worst he’d ever felt in all his two days of existence. Also he had a strange feeling that he wasn’t alone, there was a warm fuzzy feeling pushing up against him. he tried to lift his head but something was pulling his neck down. He slowly built up strength and managed to look at what he was next to!

I now pronounce you bear and gazelle!

I now pronounce you bear and gazelle!

He had married Jezebel the Gazelle. He liked her long neck and head spears so that was nice. They lived happily ever after!

The End!

The End!

 

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