Old man in Skyrim – Part 5

The Premise

Skyrim is a vast sprawling game, you can pretty much do anything you want, so I decided to live in Skyrim, to see how an old man coped with the harsh environment and bizarre folk that inhabit this land. This is my tale!

The Rules

80 year old man in Skyrim.

Only doing what an average 80 year old can do.

No constantly running, using shouts (special powerful magics), magic or fast travel.

No murder or stealing or anything unethical, should always try to run away from a fight.

Read part four here – https://radiothax.com/2013/09/13/old-man-in-skyrim-4/

Day 6

I set off after a breakfast of carrots and guilt. I take the other path, I may have to go over a mountain but it has to be better than monster crabs and bandits in forts who get really violent if you accidentally go near them. After a while I see a man in the distance. He’s seen me but is still just walking so I think I’m safe. He introduces himself, he’s a wandering bard! I cut him off mid-sentence and walk away, damn bards.

Go bard yourself!

Go bard yourself!

Several hours of walking and flower picking I see a dog in the middle of the road, it comes bounding up to me then starts running away woofing. “What is it boy?” I think and follow him. He leads me to a cabin in the woods, inside there is a dead man lying on his bed, a note next to him says he’s dying (now died) of rockjoint. The dog looks at me with its big brown eyes. I do the honourable thing and adopt him! His name is Meeko.

Meet Meeko, he's meek

Meet Meeko, he’s meek

We walk out of the woods and back on the quest for poetry. I don’t bother asking him if he likes human poetry, I suspect he’s not keen. Then again I’m not keen but a bards got to do what a bards got to do, though that’s annoy the hell out of everyone they ever meet apparently.

We walk up the road and spy a fort on the horizon, I know how risky these things are but as long as I keep my distance things should be OK. Things are OK because I see there are actual skeletons walking the ramparts so I take the widest berth possible.

We are fine, the skellingtons don’t get us, everything once again seems ok. We go off road to get to Dead Men’s Respite, off road onto a moor. It’s beautiful! Everything fin OHSHITAHUGEBEAR! Luckily were far enough away that it doesn’t attack us, it does however take fancy to a horse and attacks it to death. Meeko and I run away. The bear does not give chase, that was too close! This world is horrifically deadly. No wonder there are no 80 year olds around here!

Bear Vs horse, Hoof Vs Claw!

Bear Vs horse, Hoof Vs Claw!

Eventually we find the entrance to Dead Men’s Respite! As I stand looking at the ominous door, I contemplate something that’s been troubling me for quite some time, what if there is something deadly in here, what if something needs killing so I can get to this poem? I refuse to kill humans, and if I’m honest I don’t know if I could bring myself to kill an animal. Apart from bastard crabs! So what do I do if there are people in here? Turn and run is my only option! I’ll just pop my head round the door and have a quick peek inside. The poem might just be on the floor by the door.

G g g ghost!

G g g ghost!

I can’t believe what I’m seeing! A ghost! A ghost of a bard! A ghost of a bard playing a lute! It’s not seen me and I’m paralyzed with fear! Meeko nudges me and I stumble forward into the cave, the ghost bard (or bard ghost?) disappears. I eventually pluck up the courage to look around the chamber. There are corpses everywhere, this appears to be some kind of burial chamber, I haven’t made a list of my worst nightmares but this situation would be in the top three! I look around, seeing horrors everywhere. Then I spent an hour stuck in a room because Meeko refused to get out of the door way!

There is a table in the middle of the room with a red thing on, which like an idiot not thinking, I pick up, it’s a red claw. There is a clicking noise and the portcullis to the cave opens, one of my worst fear becomes reality. The corpses come to life! I turn, constantly shout ‘nope, nope, nope’ as I run out!

Why, what beautiful blue eyes you have my dear!

Why, what beautiful blue eyes you have my dear!

They haven’t followed me! Funk you Bards College, no diploma in barding is worth this! Keep your stupid poem! Not a chance in the hell am I going to fight zombie things! I’m a musician not a slayer of the undead. While I’m having a panic attack on the steps outside Dead Men’s Respite, were attacked by a wolf. Meeko makes himself useful and kills it. I’m not happy about the canine on canine murder, but it really was him or us. Good dog! I have the unpleasant task of getting the wolfs pelt and some of its meat, because I’m cold and hungry. Also Meeko probably needs feeding too.

We begin to walk down the hill when we see a little hut by the river. It looks so idyllic from here that we investigate. The owner isn’t too chatty when I say hello, I think about asking her to sell her house to me for 5 gold coins, until I see much bigger house on the hill. It looks even more idyllic. Maybe they will let me camp in their garden for the night.

Idyllic the Hutt

Idyllic the Hutt

We get closer, hang on this place looks familiar. Isn’t this where my only 3 friends were brutally murdered in cold blood for minor trespassing offences? Yes it is! But it looks totally deserted. I accidentally slip down the rocks I was spying from. My ankles are not happy about this. I really need a rest. Then Meeko decides to run away. Typical, I was going to lean on him till I could find a bench. Suddenly I hear some loud shouting, there is a commotion up ahead. I assume Meeko is being violently murdered and soon my own fate will be that of my drinking chums. I stagger over to where the noise is coming from only to witness Meeko killing two of the bandits. Before I can try and drag him away they’re dead, their corpses lay in front of me. I can’t help spy the gold falling out of their pockets. They did murder my 3 best and only friends. I feel I’m owed remunerations for their crime! Yes, death may be retribution but I’m out of pocket three drinking buddys, so I quickly question my morals. Where do I stand on plundering the corpses of the dead. It’s probably not good but they did murder so I think I’m ok to take what they have. So before I change my mind I take their gold, a small bow and some arrows and for good measure I take a set of their warm fur armour.

Munch him down Meeko, he killed my drinking pals!

Munch him down Meeko, he killed my drinking pals!

While I’m taking their things I find a journal by the bandit chief, it turns out that he wanted out and was stock piling gold on an island to the south. The bandit chief is dead now. It seems a waste to let all that gold rot away. It’s free for any wiley old boy to help himself to. Seems like Cecil has a new mission on his hands!

I’m feeling incredibly cocky, so Meeko and I spend the night sleeping in the bandit chief’s hut, in his very own bed. It’s cosy, and we have a damn fine night’s sleep!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s