Complaint to Sainsbury’s

Dear Sir/Madam

My name is Cecil, I’m 83, I am having my son type this document out as these computer machines baffle and anger me.  I used one on a free course 7 years ago and I can honestly say I would die happy if I never touched one of these accursed machines again.  I won’t even have a microwave!  If the lord meant for us to have hot floppy bread, he wouldn’t have invented the toaster!

This is by the by.  I am dictating to you because of an incident that happened in your Scarborough Sainsbury’s store on the 24th of November in the year of our lord 2012.

I was happily doing my shopping, I’d got my usual Marmite, crisp breads and prawn cocktail mixture (along with the other usual everyday sundries tartar sauce, baking powder, a harmonica, Baby Bio composite and Pepplestons) when I suddenly became aware of a high pitched chirping noise being emitted all around.  During the war sirens were let out loud and long so you knew danger was coming, but I thought this noise was that of a youth’s mobular telephone, so I ignored it and continued searching for Nestles semi sweet.

It was shortly after this a creeping sense of dread filled my soul, I realised I was alone, frightened and alone.  I lost my mother in a super market.  She didn’t die, I mean I became separated from her and couldn’t find her.  In the end she was found trying to decipher what VHS stood for.  We never did find out!

However, as I paraded up the isle that has all the strange expensive foods for those with wheat allergies (a very unfortunate condition and one that should never be mocked) a very nice young man came and informed me that the store was being evacuated.  Unlike my bowels, this evacuation was smooth, quick and pain free.  However I had to leave my trolley and all my shopping behind, including some delicious looking bully beef which was reduced greatly.  Isn’t food expensive these days?  This meant I had left my pound coin bit in the trolley.  I stood outside as we waited for the fire brigade service to arrive, but time was relentlessly marching on and I had to get home.

I had no option but to venture to the highly undesirable shopping store that is Tesco to purchase my evening meal.  Which in the end was bland and disappointing, and I saw Clive, which is always unpleasant.  Then to cap it off, the rain on the walk home was nigh on torrential.

So I am asking, if possible, could you please post back to me my one pound coin bit that I used and left in the trolley, unless you need it to cover the costs of having to re-stack all the items I left in the trolley.  I’m very sorry I didn’t come back in, I understand the bond that is formed once a customer has placed items inside their trolley or hand basket, those items are sacrosanct and should be treated as such, so if you wish to reappropriate my pound as an administrative charge for the re stacking of these products I understand and respect your decision.

I wish you well Sir or Madam


Evacuate FIRE!

Reply below


Dear Mr Thax

Thanks for your email. I’m sorry that you had to evacuate our Scarborough store. I can understand your disappointment, especially as this caused you to lose your pound coin and later resulted in you having to shop elsewhere.

We want our customers to have a pleasant and enjoyable experience when shopping with us. Unfortunately, on this visit, this wasn’t the case.

I called the store and spoke with Joule Foster, Customer Service Manager. She was disappointed to learn that you forgot your pound coin and would like to apologise on behalf of the store.

Joule advised that the alarm was triggered due to a small fire which was created in the toilets. Joule informed me that it was a group of kids who were responsible. The store was evacuated and the fire service gave the all clear after 25 minutes.

Joule would like to reassure you that it’s the customers’ decision on whether to return to the store after it has been evacuated and that they understand if you didn’t have the time to return and continue your shopping.

In light of your experience, I’ve arranged for a £5 gift card to be sent to you, accompanied with a trolley token, which you can use in place of a pound coin. Hopefully, you can use the gift card towards buying your usual marmite and crisp breads on your next visit. Please allow 72 hours from receipt for the balance on the card to become active.

Just so you know, VHS is an abbreviation for Vide Home System.

We’re grateful for you taking the time to contact us and we look forward to seeing you in store again soon.

Kind regards

Scott Kilpatrick

4 thoughts on “Complaint to Sainsbury’s

  1. Very funny! I hope he gets his £1 back! lol It was incredibly disappointing to leave my special ice cream behind.

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